Story time! Addict Diaries Vol. 1: That time I was an innocent child before morphing into a monster.
**Trigger Warning: The following content contains subject matter & dialog involving drug/substance abuse.
Hey guys! Here is the first draft in my Addict Diaries Series. Thank you for being here, I am grateful for each one of you that finds yourself here reading this (thanks mom! We all know you’re the only one who reads my posts! Haha) As always, spread the love!
(I’m the super cute tiny one in front with the antenna ponytail)
Becoming a drug addict isn’t anything anyone ever sets out to be. Nobody plans on growing up to be a junkie crashing in an abandoned house, stealing from the people they love, and destroying their lives and bodies. You don’t think that someone randomly offering you a pill during a party could morphe you into a monster that lives and breathes just to get the next pill. You don’t think that your first drink of alcohol is going to trigger something laying deep and dormant in your brain and the next thing you know you’re black out drunk on a daily basis, having to have a bottle just so you aren’t deathly ill.
I wish more people spoke out about this. It’s gotten a little better over the last few years, but the stigma surrounding addiction and addicts has always just been such a negative popular opinion. I’m not going to get into controversial topics/opinions like “Addiction is a choice” or “Addiction is/isn’t a disease”. All that does is take away from the real problem, it doesn’t solve anything, plus my goal isn’t to debate, only hope to educate from my personal experiences and hopefully be able to help someone who may be going through the same things I went through. There is life after addiction, and I am proof of that.
There will be more parts to this series, once a week I will include the next volume of my crazy, rollercoaster ride of experiences for the 12 years I was addicted to opiates. How and when I managed to crawl out of the black hole I had dug myself into, and how I manage to maintain the strength day in and day out to never allow myself to dig that hole again. It ain’t easy I can tell you that much, but it does get easier and easier with every passing month and year.
I remember being asked as a child on a regular basis, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” My answer was ALWAYS, “a mom.” Every year on my birthday from the time I could walk and talk, up until my sweet 16, I only asked for baby dolls. In high school, we had a Home Economics class and there was a project that was a huge part of our grade. The “Ready or Not Tot”. 🤣
We had to carry around that heavy rubber creepy looking baby that had a set of keys with it. The doll was super lifelike and would just cry randomly (I’ll try to find pictures of it haha). In the middle of church, every hour throughout the night, etc. You had to fumble around with the keys and shove each one in the keyhole on its back one at a time and try to find out what the baby needed.
They had a key for feeding, burping, diaper change, attention, play time, etc. So realistic right? Pfft..
They implemented this project in hopes to lower the rate of teen pregnancies and deter kids from ending up knocked up before graduation. I’m not sure how everyone else’s experiences went, but I absolutely loved doing this project.
We were only required to do it once and me being the weirdo I am, I volunteered to keep the baby and do it all year long 😂I named that baby Christopher, I bought him little onesies and outfits from Goodwill, the whole 9 yards. Loser alert 🚨
Anyway, in between me being this innocent, naive child and becoming an adult, I managed to become something I never thought I’d be. I became someone I hated and everyone else hated too. No one trusted me, no one invited me anywhere, and they probably all cringed and whispered to each other if I ever did show up to the family functions. How did I go from being the kid determined and destined to be mother of the year, to feeling like the worlds biggest piece of sh*t mother, failing at every turn? Somewhere in my life plan I veered off on the wrong path for a very very long time.
...and I remember the EXACT moment my life changed forever.
...to be continued.
...to be continued.
Vol. 2 coming soon.. August 10 The Addict Diaries Series:New uploads every Saturday 6pm CST